Back to work

I just finished my first week of work. Honestly sometimes I don't know how I made it through. I had thoughts like what if I just went crazy or lost it and went off on my coworkers. A couple days I didn't think I would make it. At 2pm today all I kept thinking was just three more hours and I'll make it to the weekend. I received two hours of down time/training and then was thrown into making sales calls. I was hoping my first week would be an easy transition but NO it was busy from the start.

This week was also stressful because my office is really far behind in placements and was putting pressure on all of us to make them. I swear this is the third time I was hired and the business was behind in sales. The last two I helped them increase by more than 100% so I'm sure I can do it again. My boss was excited I uncovered two past placements that weren't documented. My worry the entire time was that people would notice me zoning out which is because of my medication. I knew it would happen and my boss noticed it once and called me on it. I'm hoping she just thinks it was that one time and that it gets better. I was also worried I'd be extremely exhausted and not be able to do my job. Today that happened. I could not focus after 2 o’clock. My boss noticed that as well. She told me I could leave ten minutes early because she could tell I was tired. I hope this isn't a pattern.

I'm not this type of employee I hate this! I'm also frustrated with how tired I am. Johnny and I get home at 5:30 we eat play and then he eats at 7:30 and were both asleep by 8pm. We’re up at five am and then leave the house at 7:30. I feel like the time I spend with him isn't really fun! I'm excited it's the weekend and we get to spend some time together. I visited Johnny at lunch today and he was paying more attention to the babysitter than me. It made me worry he doesn't love me or that he prefers her. I'm not going to visit at lunch anymore because all it did was make me sad.

My coworkers went out for sushi Friday night. I wanted to go so I could be part of the crowd, but I was too exhausted! Luckily I didn’t as soon as I took Johnny out of his car seat I realized he had pooped all the way up his back. This wasn’t the first time and certainly won’t be the last. Roberto was also running late so it was just Johnny and me until Roberto got home. Three months from now I can attend school and have my tuition reimbursed. I’m hoping in three months I’m able to take a class even if it’s one at a time. I might as well take advantage of it. That means my weekends will be pretty much be taking care of Johnny and completing my course work.