Good Morning?

It's now 6:30 and I've already been awake for two hours with my mind racing. Am I ready for work? How can I do this? I'm going to go backwards! I'll end up in the hospital! I can't do this! Johnny was at my moms just like every Tuesday and I still can't manage to sleep in. I wish I could just turn my brain off.

I'm excited to start a new job, but at the same time I'm sick to my stomach. How am I a good mom if I can't stand being home with my son day after day. I look forward to taking him to daycare. What kind of mom has these thoughts. My struggle with going back to work is not because of Johnny. It's because of me. I know he will be well taken care of! I just don't know If I can handle it.

I'm easily overwhelmed with simple tasks is what they put on my disability form. Which is true I'm still this way so why do they think I can handle working and a baby?!? I can't even handle a baby. I love Johnny and wanted him more than anything. I feel sorry that he doesn't have a better more. He's such a happy baby. A loving baby... He deserves more.

Why can't I just be a normal mom!!! Normal moms don't have these thoughts. I've come so far from where I was, but still feel like I have yet to over come post-partum depression. It's been four months when will I wake up from this nightmare!!

For now I'll be starting work March 5th. I guess we'll see if that still works. I never thoughts I'd get a job offer this quick and it's definitely an opportunity I don't want to pass up. Who's saying the economy is still going down the poop shoot? Johnny should be here soon I better jump in the shower.