Last week just flew by. I can't believe I only have one week until starting work again. I hope Johnny doesn't forget who I am. We had a good weekend went out to dinner with friends last night and a BBQ on Friday night. My dads supposed to come over today.... We'll see how this goes.
We've decided to give our dogs away. This makes us very sad, but it's what's best for Johnny. Anyone who has met Snoopy knows he bites. Chloe is harmless but honestly between work and Johnny I just don't think I can handle her. Right now were also holding off moving which makes me very happy. Moving is so stressful, I just want to get settled into work.
Something I never knew about post-partum depression is that people may suffer from intrusive thoughts. I'm one of the lucky ones. I've had them since Johnny was a week old and am still having them. They say sometimes they never go away they just get less frequent and intense. It scares me to be back at work because the building is two stories. An example of the horrible thoughts is in my new building you can look down over the lobby and I thought what if I just jumped off the second floor. I know I would never do it, but the thoughts give you anxiety that you might go "crazy" and just do it. I can say it has gotten so much better and I'm able to deal with them now.
Next Sunday I'm walking to support PPD. I'm hoping some of my friends and family are able to join me. I can't imagine going through this without the help of family and friends and of course doctors. How can someone just keep quiet about this? The walk is called Jenny's Light. It was started by her family in memory of her and her son. Jenny was suffering from PPD and never told anyone. When her son was about a month old she bought a gun and killed both her baby and herself. Everytime I hear a story like this it breaks my heart! I can feel their pain!
Everyone always asks when you have a baby if your happy and how does the baby sleep? My promise is to always ask new moms how they're sleeping. Not sleeping when the baby sleeps is the number one sign of PPD and I can tell you it was the first sign for me. I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried! By not sleeping I mean NOT 1 minute of sleep for the first 10 days of Johnny's life. Thank god for sleeping meds. That was the only thing at first that allowed me to get a few hours of sleep. My sleep has gotten so much better. I'm now on half the amount of sleeping medication and have a lot more energy during the day. Johnny just started sleeping through the night so that helps.
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